can i survive?

im trying hard to be fine..to be strong.i hates when i have space and time for myself.at the same times i hates to work on weekend..but when im alone..my sorrow come back.too much free time to think and recall my past.how i miss lots things..hw much things tht happened beyond my control.hw much pain been tru..i tot i alrdy able to delete all of it and buried them wit year 2010.But i just cant.perhaps myb i wasnt even had time before to thnk abt year 2011.a lots things tht i am unsure abot in this life now..i begin to feel bored~~i begin to feel super bored with routine of my life now.i begin to miss winter.spring. and autum and i miss to wear boots.i begin ths life now by making more and more friends..till nw i still feel like dreaming..i cant accepeat the fact that im not heal yet.why dont just sedate me? let me sleep for sumtimes. if there is an option to transform to be sumone else.i would like to choose to do so ..

i love my job..( ???? )