for real today is 01/01/11

dont ask hw i was celebrating my New year eve..coz i ws sumwhere on level 6 heaven HDOK..well no tension.not even a single feeling of pressure..( liar) ..there were moment when i feel pressure esp covering few cases tht required hight concern..and etc..but yes i was free pressure during my night call..alhamdullilah.i gain my confident level..syukur..moga2 bertambah2 lah pas ne :)
if u ask me abt my ny year wish and target or apa2 lah..i can say i dont have one yet..coz i dunt even hv time to thk of it..i just hope i can be better and become sumone more responsible for myself and my family.think less abt nonsense things..live this life to the fullest..( mcm ndak ngam jak bunyinya ne.)
what i want now is..just my car..to cheer me up..hw i miss it!!! :(

happy new eveyone..and sorry for those who sms me but i wasnt reply yet..but i do appreciate those wishes.. :) love

xoxo

post call feeling

semlm on call..on call on sunday memang lah tidak di sukai ramai,coz dari half day lagi kwn2 lain sudah balik dan merancang mcm2 benda yg best while saya stuck d ward dan tunggu pelanggan..opsss ini bukan sesuatu yg d tungu2.hahhaha..emm admission pas jam 2pm agak memberangsangkan..sehingga saya berdoa tolonglah mlm ne ok2 jer..siang hari d terima akal..if mlm2 tu dah hmpir2 jadi zombie tu tolong lah bagi saya zzzz..makanya jam 5pm plus saya kuar p membeli shu shi to cool down my aura..hahhahaa..ckp sajalah geng on call saya geng shu shi. :P conclusion on call wasnt tht bad..but myb my 2nd on call partner agak stress bgn awal pg ada admission..tidur sedikit terganggu dengan phone call yg reporting entah apa2..eeeer..sehingga rasanya semua itu hanya mimpi..luckily i didnt made any mistake while assuming all the report and etc just as my dream...bgn pagi2 terus call NICU reconfrm abt the last nite call..gosh nasib baik lah baby tak grunting and ok2 saja.. :)
well actually ini bukan lah point nyer..post call nyer lah kan..
1st day di dcc..and yes ok aja...cuma super2 post call..after 5pm..fikiran mula jd sot2..ala2 mau jadi bodoh sudah.i cant concentrate doing my thgs tht im supposed to do..i cant consult myself that im fine..i cant force to tell myself that im OK..started to feel like Shortness of breath every time thinking of all deeply things that i kept.at this moment i just wish what happened today just another episode of dream @ another level of dream..aisehhh

merry x-mas and happy birthday mom

no holiday on big day just a normal thing.almost forgetting any festive also seems normal things since working.working 7days a week just made me just thing of weekdays and weekend..tht it.on top of it tomorw my on call day..so so so kerja sorang2 ler aprox dari jam 11am..and of coz continue working the next day up to 5pm.so who on earth complaning tired of working for 5days just so so so unbelievable..in 4 months only entitle for 8days oliday another amazing things to be as an Ho. :) eeeee...be happy!!

well nothing much happening today But i just miss to celebrate my mom birthday today ..managed to call her today..semoga panjang umur dan sehat selalu :) i really miss her..well mom will get a present for her for sure :)

planing to get more sleep today as preparation for on call tomorrow :)

cheers

cheering up

what is wrong with ths world when people begin to wonder why am i single to mingle?no one can believe.eeeeerr..coz Dr are too bz to fine one.i hates Drs.so put them aside.they wont be able catch my eyes..auchhhh cakap besar yer aku?? :)
well to be honest im giving space and time for my self. i cant decide anything yet for now, to be fair to my self and be selfish or even it might hurt others are my rules now.i need time.i need to prove to my self that i can reach my target of life.i want to do sumthg extra ordinary even if it might cost me a failure to thrive..:P sekali lagi berasa sgt bongkak.well pray hard and do hard.insyallh Tuhan itu maha adil. we wont get everything in this life.so nw i choose sumthg tht benefit myself. cheers..

life is easy

sekadar renungan

im not stress, just kinda hypoxic ~~~ sleepy head again!! gosh..pls2 be rajin..bunch of thgs to read..enjoy reading and study as much i enjoy snorkeling..yay~~
there so much things tht put aside rite now.priority in my life now kinda change.some times im become so confuse when its related to my personal matter, t never happened before.But now it worsening and severe.there is a moment where i want to run and not be myself.i just wanna be free.its not so cruel to decide to be alone.its not tht bad if i say that i love my self more than others.its not harm to say i keep sumthing deep inside my heart.it not so selfish if i choose to take much time just for myself. it fair enough to stay on a safe side.

my happiness depends on me after God

im getting older n darker :(

today i realize how ugly am i now..shitty my skin getting darker nw but i keep on telling my self its okey at least i had enjoyed my trip.but nw its all matter of time for my skin to be bck to normal.but hw if it remain darker?gooshh!! Im having eye bag nw..aaaaaaaaaargggg!!!so tension.why on earth it could be??who and what to blame on?if last time during my med school it wasnt tht bad.even during xm season.hw can i get my beauty sleep again?if most of the night i fall a sleep rite after lying down on the bed.im not on call. everyday so how it could be the causes for my eye bag?eeerr tension okey on top of it i just begin on call recently n..huhuh..sad2 :((

is it coz i am getting older??pls vasih it away..no...no..i want thgs to be just fine :P

saturday post call

either i can call it as adaptation or it jst my body having some problems? as today is my post call usually if 2 hours sleep i'll start to get headache on the next day..but actually it wasnt tht bad i had 3 hours sleep last nite :) with wonderful stuff nurse and great mo it just really helping my on call even my post oliday call begin with bolus dosage with new specialist in the house..wooot..wooot..it hard to adjust my body and mind accordingly after holiday.it was begin with sleepy head,yawning and hypoglycemic during morning round..on top of it there is TDS round mean night round in the ward..goshh mau tak mau..kena tau semua kes..ambik ko~~
well i went tru all smoothly..alhamdullilah.
today kinda bz..expected to be able to finish my work before noon..but thgs just not on my side.sabar jer lah..as long as im not sleepy it fair enough :) plus..rajin nyer lagi nak p movie repunzel at 3.15pm..wah semangat..well i like sumthg enjoyable..so i did enjoy banana ice cream,pop corn and the movie..yay!! im enjoying  every moment of my life..i pray hard  to pass my first posting at paeds.amin

mabul and kapalai island did blast my birthday :)

opss..more pic will be uploaded soon :)

just intro2 cukup lah tu kan ..

wat i can say is kapali island is superb and awesome  place to escape from everything.i feel like in haven.enjoy every single minutes.even tak dpt p sipadan island.but kapalai still world class place for divers as well..snokerlin pun sudah rasa mcm jakun@ terpegun..heheh ini lah lahi divers.ikan nemo..ikan biru2 and etc.semua best..mau pigi lagi :)

emmm since im so tired now..will upload more abt ths trip ya..

thanx to my family for ths lovely trip

enjoy

i just got booster today..yes yes i get holiday at last.sunday till 16th..since my family will be around..i hope we could go mabul/semporna..yay!!pls2 take me away from my work .

tomorrow i'l oncall..but no pressure at all...wat ever its takes i will be just fine.since its gonna be friday..half day mah saturday..thn thn can enjoy my oliday~great .. :)

i dunt much wish currently other thn i wish my dad will agree to send my car here..or i could get the new car.. :) or paling chikai pun i want an i phone 4 :))

i just love my day today..so relaxing..even able to get small nap.yay.:)and now waiting for my parents, my bro and my cousion wan to arrived sandakan ..

:)

tired

lots of things im tired of now.i tot i over it.i tot im strong.i tot i can accept evertthing.yet why the hell there is sumthg triggering me and swing my mood away??why am i wake up in the middle of the night and write here?pls i need a sleep.i need my ugly sleep.i tried my very best to cheer myself.i tried hiding everything.i tried my best to be matured in handling thgs..but why its seems nothing is enough..could ths life treating me better..at least away from ths unpleasant  feeling.as i alwz think of lateily at least let me dreaming and sleep nicely as a coma patient in  icu..keep me feel tht way..i just too tired

life

we never knw whar will happen next..there for now i let everything go with the flow. if before i was kinda depressed to accept the fact in working in Sandakan and on top of it begin with paeds department handling kinds and baby.after a month i begin to accept thgs the way it is.if people were talking abt hw bad tht paeds could treating me.but i could say i am happy here. i like the working environment even myb there is few thgs slack there and there.but no one perfect and yet i could say it worth if get scolded if u made mistake.all my MO are super cool..can seat,talk,hang out and chilling togther2.:)
i put my sadness aside. i treat my self and my life as fair as i could.i take all ths as a challenge for me.be single not tht bad, just a matter of most of thing i have to decide by my self.but it does not mean we hv to hate or fight ech other. we handling things smoothly as i du.nt knw who and what to blame on. trap in between regarding life matter really feel and sound sucks but i let it go.as im not getting younger year by year..let my self be free again.explore my working life,enjoy it and spend my time as much i want either at hospital or where ever i want. im not ready for commitment and there for thgs are like ths now :)
im happy for thoes who found their happiness and mr right to be with..here i would like to congratz my dear friend maslyn and azry on their big day. semoga berbahagia selalu. i cant forgive myself not to be on her side on her big day..cuti tiada..emmm cis..tht moment lah my on call was.feel so so so sorry :(

cheers